The Army arrive

To the relief of everyone working on FMD we heard that the army had been called into Devon following their success in Cumbria.

We were all optimistic that they would sort things out, and that we would no longer be waiting for stores, or sent to the wrong farms.

Our first experience of the army was not a good one.

We'd been sent to kill some sheep on what is known as 'off' land.  The sheep were not on the main holding, but in some fields away from the farm.  There were some buildings, but no farmer to help, and no sheep dog.

The sheep themselves were scattered across a number of fields, which were all connected by an old track.  Off this track there were seven separate gateways, and there were only five of us.

At the entrance to the land, a police panda car was parked up (as usual) and alongside it, in a hire car were two squaddies.  We said hello to them when we arrived, and they seemed friendly, although reluctant to get out of the car.

We spent quite a long time trying to get the sheep into the shed where they were going to be killed.  Our main problem was that there just wasn't enough of us to get block off the gateways, so the sheep would escape into the first open gate they came to.  We had no hurdles, and it was starting to annoy us all.

I asked one of the drovers to go and get the two squaddies to give us a hand.  After 10 minutes or so, he came back shaking his head,

"They won't do it."  he said.

"What the bloody hell do you mean?" 

"They are refusing point blank!" he said.

I marched off to the entrance and tapped on the window of the car,

"Lads, we really need a hand.  We just need you to come and stand in some open gateways for five minutes while we bring these sheep in"

"No chance mate." one of them said.  "We've been told that we don't have to set foot on the farms."

"Listen" I said, "no-one is asking you to get involved with the slaughter, we just need to bodies for five minutes"

"Well we aren't doing it."  he said.  "We've just got back from Kosovo, and have been told that we don't have to see any animals killed or anything."

"I'm not asking you to see any animals killed, I just want you to help get the sheep into the shed."

"Nope.  We're not moving."

"Right.  Can you tell me what the f*ck you are doing here then?"

"Our role is to provide 'logistical support' " he said.

"Well, we don't need any logistical support, so if all you are going to do is sit on your arses here, then you may as well go"

He wound up his window.

I stood back and looked at the two cars sitting there with occupants doing nothing.  I wasn't having it.

I tapped on the window again,

"I meant what I said.  If you aren't going to help at all, then get your backsides off the premises and go and report what has happened to whoever it is that you report to.  NOW! "

They took the hint.

By the time I had rejoined the team they had moved some gates from the shed, and blocked off the lane.  We got the sheep in and did the job.

The next day, we all decided to attend the morning briefing.  Everyone on the team was still unhappy about what had happened the day before, and the general feeling was that I should say something about it in the meeting.

After all the usual rubbish about how 'under control' things were, the question came;

"any questions?"

I stood up.

"Yes, we've got a question.  What is the role of the Royal Military Police here?"

The female Major of the RMP stood up.

"Perhaps I can answer that.  We are here to provide logistical support to the people on the ground."

It was the answer I expected.

"Can you tell us all what exactly 'logistical support' means please?  The reason I ask is that yesterday, we had two of your men sat on a farm gate alongside the police.  When they were asked to provide us with some support, they refused point blank to come onto the premises."

She started to look embarrassed.  I wasn't letting it go.

"You see, the thing is, we've all been working hard for weeks now, and struggling with the job.  We've all been looking forward to the army getting involved and helping us sort things out.  If all that you are going to do is to sit at farm gates while we work, then there doesn't seem much point in you being here."

She stood up, and with a tremble in her voice, repeated her earlier comment;

"As I said earlier, we are here to provide logistical support with stores, pressure washers etc.  It is true that my men have been told that they don't have to go onto farms unless they want to; they've just returned from a harrowing tour in Kosovo..."

I butted in and stopped her,

"I'm sorry, but that is just not good enough.  We draw our own stores, and if we needed a pressure washer we could draw that too.  I'm just not understanding what bloody use you lot are.  Is this just a press stunt to keep the media happy? Oh, and we are still on our 'harrowing tour'."

She couldn't answer, and walked out.

I may have been harsh with the RMP, but they were no use to us.