Foot Patrol....

The next morning, I arrived at Exeter just before 8am.  By now, I'd found the back way into the office, and walked into the building with an increasing feeling of tension.

I found the 'control room' again, and stood and waited as various people came and went.  After a short delay, the lady who I'd spoken to the afternoon before approached me.

"Ah, good, you're back."

"We are sending you on 'foot patrol'.  You need to go to this area, and check all the properties to see what animals there are there.  You mustn't go onto the farms, just use this list to phone the farmers, and mark any animals you find on the map."

"I don't understand" I said.

"What don't you understand?" she said.

"Are you telling me that you don't know what animals there are out there?"

"We've a good idea, but we need to be sure.  Pop down to the stores, and pick up some foot patrol leaflets.  By the way, if you find anyone with animals in that area that isn't already on Form D, then let us know and we will have a Form D sent out to them."

"I'm sorry, but I still don't understand why you need to know this stuff.  Surely you can just look on the IACS system to see what stock there is out there?"

"Unfortunately, we can't use the IACS system down here."

"Wouldn't it be easier for me to issue a Form D if one is needed?"

"Foot Patrols don't issue Form D.  It has to be either a vet or Trading Standards."

Shocked by what I'd seen and heard, I headed to the stores which was located near the back door.  The storeman looked at me with disdain when I asked for the Foot Patrol leaflets, and informed me that they were in the first garage "down there".  I headed off to find the garage.

Lifting the rollershutter door of the garage, I found a store of equipment which was obviously FMD related.  There were stacks of galvanised buckets, stirrup pumps, heavy oilskins and various other obsolete items.  Nestled in one corner was a stack of cardboard boxes containing leaflets.

I took a leaflet out of the top of a box, and stood reading it.  I wondered what useful information I was about to impart to the farming community that was currently locked down and barricaded into their holdings.  The leaflet contained information about being under Form D restriction, including a paragraph about what to do with farm produce like milk.  It gave the useless advice that 'Milk Churns should be left at the end of your lane for collection as usual."

I was horrified.  Milk churns had been discontinued nearly twenty years ago.

By now, I was totally disillusioned with the whole fiasco.  Here was I, a MAFF employee who was licensed by the police and the ministry to use firearms, experienced in humane dispatch procedures, a veteran of pest control, and my task was to find out if there were animals in the surveillance zone, and issue totally useless and out of date leaflets.

Further argument with the organisers was obviously going to be futile, so I headed off to my allocated area.

After driving for an hour or so, I found myself in a deserted hamlet.  I say 'deserted' because that was how it felt.  Curtains twitched, farm lanes remained barricaded off.  I phoned the first farm on the list.

"Have you got any news?" the farmer asked.  "No, I'm afraid not.  I just need to know what stock you have and check that you have a Form D.  Can you come to the end of your lane and meet me please?"

"You must be joking mate.  I'm staying here, and you are not to set foot on my farm."

It went on like that for most of the day.  Gradually, I managed to gather some information, including the fact that there were 200 hoggets in one field that didn't appear on the map I had.  I marked them onto the map, "200 hogs" written clearly in the relevant field.

At around 4pm, I headed back to Exeter with my maps and notes.